Cairns, Australia (February 27, 2016)

Reading Length: Giant Tub ‘o’ Popcorn

Kristin Reporting!

Today started off with some heartbreak since the policy on this cruise line differs from anything we have experienced before. Sadly, we missed the snorkel of the barrier reef! My tears got us a refund at least, and we headed into town to find a replacement activity.

Breakfast has arrived!

We spent two hours searching for an option. We actually could have gone to snorkel at the Green Island but the return wasn't until 5:20pm, and with no passport in case the worst happened (missing the ship), we just couldn't risk going. Everything was booked solid! It was our bad luck to be there on a Saturday. Ultimately we ended up in a tour agency and the kind woman there helped us find something, which was a scenic helicopter ride out over the reef and back.

[Davin Interjection: I think that if I had it to do over again, I would be more inclined to risk the Green Island tour.  Our experience since then has shown that the “last bus” actually leaves quite a few minutes after the claimed time, and the ship also doesn’t usually just leave you behind without doing a cursory search to find you first (it can happen sometimes, but it’s not the standard). 

We’d only have been a couple minutes late at getting back at worst (unless the return boat totally broke down, which would have been a totally unforseen event), and very possibly on time.  Papua New Guinea wasn’t that great anyway, so in the worst case we could probably have had our passports mailed back and just flown into the Philippines.] 

The kind tourist agency woman told us a little something about the shady practices of cruise ship companies when it comes to shore excursions. She said that people getting off cruise ships tell her all the time that the cruise ship charges over $100.00 more than the local tour groups per person, and no one can get off the ship before almost every Great Barrier Reef tour has left for the day. In this way, the cruise ship companies have a monopoly on selling their own Great Barrier Reef snorkel tours and ripping off all of the passengers in the process! (This isn't the case in every situation, as we have done our own comparisons and have found the mark-ups to be usually $25.00 to $50.00, which is well worth the convenience and guarantee to return to the ship and not be left behind.)

One explanation for the extreme mark up in this case could be that it seems to be common practice for cruise ships to take local tour charges and convert them straight into US Dollars without changing the numbers to take into account exchange rate, and, in fact, usually bumping the numbers up a bit to make more profit. So, in this case where the Australian Dollar is weak compared to the US Dollar, the rip off is extreme. A local tour of the Great Barrier Reef may charge $180 AUD compared to the $250 USD the cruise ship was charging. After currency conversion, that is really $126.00 versus $250, or a mark-up of $124-- basically double the price!  That’s insane, and totally uncool.

While I worked hard to find some fun way to spend the day, Davin was beside himself with disappointment and, in addition, had given up all hope of finding anything worth doing, and started throwing his hands in the air and declaring we should return to the ship.

Finally, thanks to the help of the tour agent, we had an $800 helicopter tour booked for 3:15pm, so we headed out to find some lunch. We called our Mom to commiserate, and then found our way to a Pizza Hut where we ordered the usual-- pineapple with diced tomato.

[Davin Interjection: The pizza was still not as good as the one we had in Sydney!  It’s weird that these places all seem to follow roughly the same recipe, but the pizza still ends up being better in some places than others.  Maybe there is some skill involved in making pizzas that transcends franchise instructions?]

We then had time to do a little grocery shopping, so we headed for a Cole's and stocked up on salsa and green tea. I also bought a razor because I apparently left my brand new one (from Hawaii) in Sydney! I'm hopeless! The line at Cole's was the longest line of all time despite having at least 10 self-checkouts and 6-8 manned registers! During this shopping visit, I learned that diapers are called 'nappies' and registers are more commonly referred to as 'tills'.

On the way back to our pick-up point for the helicopter tour, we passed a tree filled with bats! They were making a lot of racket and most were slightly moving their winds for some reason-- maybe they were hot too!

We got some delicious gelato. D got his usual favorites of coconut and banana. I got my usual favorite of... you guessed it!... CHOCOLATE!

While waiting for our pick-up at the Shangri-la Hotel, I had the opportunity to call Scott. The most handsomest man in the world then texted me "HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!" Today is the sixth year anniversary of our first date, but only for me. For Scott it will be tomorrow thanks to our extreme time difference!

We got our ride to the helicopter staging area next to the airport, watched the safety video which told us how to assume the position if the pilot ever said, "Brace! Brace! Brace!” (I was like, hoooly shit, it better not come to that!) Three words that can immediately scare the shit out of someone: “Brace! Brace! Brace!” Lol!

I let Davin sit in the front of the helicopter by the pilot so he could look straight out the window, and I was in the back. We thought it was pretty cool that we had a female helicopter pilot, and she seemed to be about our age. We were lucky that we had the helicopter all to ourselves. They can fit a total of 4 passengers. It was a unique experience. It felt a little freaky at first as the helicopter can make very minute adjustments and it makes it feel very unstable.

Earlier in the day, Scott had actually googled and confirmed that flying in a helicopter is statistically safer than flying in an airplane. Flying in a combat helicopters is statistically not as safe as flying in an airplane, for obvious reasons.

Davin had no fear at all, and really enjoyed the experience. I think he enjoyed it more than me, as I had a bit of fear from the wobbling, and, after that went away, I started getting slightly nauseous because I was staring out the side window but we were flying straight ahead. That's just me and my sensitive stomach! It was nothing major but I was glad it was only a 30 minute ride.

[Davin Interjection: It was actually kind of funny, since I don’t actually like flying, but I just accepted the risk and had little concern at all for what happened.  To be honest, my reason for not liking to fly on airplanes is also about the whole shitty experience of it, with seats too small for me to even sit in.]

Seeing the reef from the air was pretty impressive. Happily it convinced Davin that the snorkeling would not have been that much different from what we did in Kona, Hawaii. It was the same kind of shallow reef system. The really impressive stuff to see at the barrier reef must be from diving down along the reef shelves. In the end, snorkeling is really limited. Also, we avoided the risk of getting stung by the irakanji jellyfish which can kill you (but doesn't usually), and always make you deathly sick.  

    [Davin Interjection: Unfortunately, later on we met a passenger on board who said the GBR snorkel was amazing and they saw a bunch of awesome things like sharks, and green turtles, so it probably wasn’t quite like what we’ve seen before (we were supposed to do a shark tank viewing in Hawaii but it was cancelled due to rough seas). Whether we can see the same sort of thing at a closer location is another question. Besides those impressive large creatures, the smaller, numerous tropical fish are similar to elsewhere.] 

Back at the helicopter office, we asked the receptionist if the locals snorkel much, and she said, "No, it just isn't worth the risk." Lol! So, I guess tourists come in and snorkel for one day, each taking the risk one time, and usually getting away with it, but the locals feel that to go more often is basically just asking for it! Pretty funny perspective of the whole industry. Cairns' economy is primarily fueled by tourism to the Great Barrier Reef.

I'm pretty certain that I saw a sea turtle and some kind of manta ray from the helicopter. Though we were 1,000 feet up (...but we both heard the pilot says climbing to 1000 meters... so maybe 3,000ish feet, but it looked more like 1,000, but whatever), the water was crystal clear and you could see right through it to the reef floor which was only 6-10 feet deep. Through that clear water I saw the sea turtle and manta ray.

The best thing about the helicopter ride was seeing how big each reef system really is. We flew over 4 different reefs in those few minutes, but in total the Great Barrier Reef spans 2,000 miles. We saw very pretty blue colors, and I hope I got some decent pictures. Sadly, the sand cay which was exposed due to low tide had people on it, so we missed the opportunity to land on it for 20 minutes and go in the water. This didn't bother us in the slightest though because at this point in the day we pretty much expected disappointment. On the bright side, we saved $160.00 which we would have had to pay additional if landing on the cay had been a success!

Waiting for the tender: Queen Elizabeth is behind us (behind a strand of my hair)

The helicopter agency gave us a ride back to the tender point and the tender delivered us back to the ship. As we were getting off the tender, Davin was only two people behind me. There was some "merging" traffic behind me, but by the time I got to the x-ray machines and looked back, there was no Davin or anyone else! So, I waited. Maybe two minutes passed, then people showed up, but not Davin. Now I was sure something had gone wrong. So, I headed back against the traffic. That's when I heard, "The man in front of me was dropping bottles all over the place." “Shit!” I thought. I knew immediately that Davin's bag with salsa bottles must have broken. I rounded the corner and he was just getting things under control. I was happy I had turned back before I’d gone through security as I wouldn’t have been allowed to go back at that point. D needed help carrying everything! Man... first London subway in 2014 when I dropped a salsa bottle at the ticket counter and it shattered, and now this! Salsa transport keeps trying to get us into trouble!

[Davin Interjection: The whole bag breaking thing was kind of funny.  I didn’t realize it, but both of my bags were on the verge of breaking.  As I was getting off the tender, one of the crew members told me to put a hand on my bag, but I didn’t understand what he was talking about.  I thought he meant to grab the rail or something.  As I was passing, he made a comment along the lines of “oh no, there’s going to be a mess.”  In retrospect it’s kind of annoying that the guy didn’t communicate better– it should have been clear I didn’t understand what he meant.  Maybe point out that the bag is breaking, not just say to put a hand on something...

In the end, the bag wasn’t actually the problem.  I think if I could have just walked straight onto the ship and to the elevator, everything would have been fine.  Unfortunately, the troubles started when I got to the point where I needed to get my ship card out to get checked back into the ship.  The card was in my wallet, which was in my pocket, so I set my bags down on the chair of the person checking people in (for some reason she was standing), and that was when bottles started falling out everywhere. 

One fell a good three or four feet to the floor and amazingly did not break!  I guess the bottling companies in Australia don’t skimp on glass quality!] 

Back in the room, we talked about the helicopter ride and how expensive it was in comparison to the snorkel we were originally going to go on. The snorkel was going to be $250.00 per person. The helicopter was $412.00 per person. That's when we had the sudden and glorious realization that the helicopter ride was $412 AUSTRALIAN DOLLARS per person. At the current exchange rate, that means about a 30% discount on the price! So, we actually paid (approximately) $288.40 per person for the helicopter ride. A whopping $30 more than we had planned to spend that day anyway! Granted, the helicopter ride was only 30 minutes, but everyone knows how expensive and luxurious helicopter rides are considered to be, and we had one for the price of a (very expensive) snorkel trip! What a deal! What a happy realization after the day started out with such woe. As neither of us had ever been on a helicopter before, that in itself was unique and, though totally unplanned so we can't take credit for thinking of it, it was a great decision to get the experience in a country with a currency so much weaker than our own.

I forgot to mention the horrible humidity not only continues to exist in this country, but it is getting progressively worse because we have gone further north-- back towards the dreaded equator. Over the past few days we have heard multiple passengers proclaim, "What a beautiful day!" Davin and I are just looking at ourselves and thinking, "Where the HECK do YOU live?" We are just walking around pouring sweat. YES! The sun is shining. Yes! It's a blue sky. If all I had were eyes-- YES! It's a beautiful day. But, I also have the sense of touch which includes feeling hot, and feeling sweat pooling on my brow, and feeling it pour down my face, and feeling it rain down my back. And there isn't enough of a breeze. It is NOT pleasant. It's disgusting!

[Davin Interjection: The people on board also seem to think that it’s great to lay out in the sun and get turned into lobsters, so I think they may just be nuts.  I’ve seen so many people getting burned out by the pool it’s not even funny, and not just a little bit either, but bright red!  If I get burned it’s because I made a mistake, like losing track of how long I’ve been in the water, and not reapplying sun screen in time. 

With these people it seems like they don’t take even cursory precautions against being burned!  I just don’t get it.  You can’t just go out with pale, untanned skin, and lie in the equatorial sun for 30 minutes, let alone a couple of hours!] 

In fact, at 5:45pm as we got back aboard the ship, it was still so hot and muggy outside that I said to D, "Hey! It's still so nasty outside, let's go in the pool for a cool dip. It will feel great!" So, we dropped our groceries in our room and headed to the pool. What an unpleasant surprise to walk into the pool and find that is was HEATED. (My thought was literally, “NOOOOOOOO!”) The pool is actually almost as hot as the (pathetic) jacuzzis! Lol! How disgusting! But it was fine in the end. I used the pool rinse-off showers to get cold and then I was happy to go in the warm pool and after that we transferred to the best of the not great jacuzzis.

All-in-all: It was a good day in the end!

[Davin Interjection: I thought the day was somewhat salvaged, but it was still a bad day overall.  Snorkeling the Great Barrier Reef was one of the top events of the trip and I ended up missing it. Overall, I think the helicopter ride maybe made up 75% for missing the snorkel. Other people might even have liked it better, but for me it wasn’t enough.  To be honest, what I’d suggest for anyone who is coming out to Cairns on a cruise ship, is to consider pre-booking a helicopter flight out to the reef platform and then back in.  That way you get the helicopter view, the snorkeling, and you’re still back in plenty of time to make the ship.  It’s kind of a pricey option, but if you’re pressed for time, and/or if you can easily afford it, it would be worth considering.]

Next Stop: Rabaul, Papua New Guinea! (March 1, 2016)